It's me again

 I'm crying again😭can't seems to walk out of this sorrow of my child not living with me and not visiting me often.

I'm afraid of being left alone without any loved ones to love me or care for me. So heart pain at the thought of unable to see my grand child.

It's karma, yes karma. It's bouncing back at me. In my younger days, I don't visit my own father, only on occasions or during festive period I go see him.

Now, in my golden years, I faced this karma. I can only cry and cannot blame anyone. I deserve it!

Slapped myself many times but it cannot undo all those horrible things I've done in my younger days.

I can't sleep well. I think I got insomnia or going into depression. I can't help not thinking about it every night

Now, at work, getting scolded for someone's else mistake is making my depression worst.

Luckily got some activities on Friday and Sunday, at least takes my mind off for a few hours. But when it comes to sleeping hours, this is what will happen. Yes, cant's sleep and start crying and writing down my thoughts, just like what I'm doing now.

Do you think I should go see psychiatric????

I write and write but nobody respond. >sigh<

so sad.👪

Live like living for nothing

 Waking up every morning is a bonus to me.

But whatever for??? I having nothing to look forward to.

So sad.

I was so happy thinking I could play a small role in your child's life.

But her body language told me "no way!" and eagerly moved out happily.

>Sigh< What did I do to deserve this?

Crying my heart out almost every night 😭

So hurt and heart broken 💔

Well, like the Chinese saying "parents will lose a son after he gets a wife".

So bloody TRUE.

Broken Heart Again

 I kept telling myself not to cry but I can't help it

. My tears fell like rain . I missed U son.

I can only watch U from far, your back moving further away from me.

I am scared to call U. Afraid that U will feel irritated when I start talking to U. I also afraid and scared that your body language will hurt my heart once again just like the other day.

I was really looking forward to see U tonight but I chose to avoid U because I don't want to be hurt again. It's a terrible feeling!

I missed U so much, Son. Hopefully one day we can be happy as a family again. Don't take too long for that day to come okay.

Broken Heart

 Never realised you hated us so much. Can't even bear to talk to us for 5minutes and just wanted to get out of our house hurriedly.

Although you were not rude but your body language speaks out loud. We old folks felt it.

I thought we are living in harmony and we don't argue nor have any differences. We speaks out frankly.

So it is not a myth that parents will lose a son after he has a wife.

I'm very upset and cried over it. But I tell myself move on and don't expect them to care for us and attend our funeral.

32 years of relationship gone just like that.

Perhaps it's our fault for not nurturing you to have strong bond with parents and we failed to teach you the importance of kinship.

Sorry Son, it's our greatest mistake and deeply regret it.

Take care and we will not bother you anymore. Not to mention seeing our grand daughter or grand son.

But if you still have a heart for your parents, do call us once in a blue moon. We will be happy to hear your voice though.

Love you forever!